Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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