Your dad touched me again.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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