Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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