Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I didn't notice because vodka
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
