"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
