I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
