Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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