Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.

Fav 10 6594 1585
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again

(443): View more from Maryland

I hate when that happens

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(516): View more from New York

I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line

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(914): View more from New York

Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?

Fav 8 1576 920
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(303): View more from Colorado

You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...

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(256): View more from Alabama

Good news my life of crime finally paid off

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(330): View more from Ohio

My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.

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