my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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