So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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