this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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