Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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