Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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