im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
