Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
