Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
