I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
