I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
