Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize