Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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