i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
