I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
where are my pants?
in the oven.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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