I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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