ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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