I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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