I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
