I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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