Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
