The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you traded sex for a burrito?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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