she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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