I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
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