Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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