So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
