why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
