hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
