i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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