Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
