Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
