I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
