Having a random hookup so left but love u
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
