Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
it was like eating out sand paper
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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