So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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