i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
sex in a hospital.. check
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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