i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
