I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
