eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
