Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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