i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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