if i can run in heels then i can drive
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
