I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
