I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
