Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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