I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
