I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
