Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
