I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
