Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
jump out the window naked night went bad
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
