I'm gonna have a badass scar
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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