3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I wear drunk well.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
