Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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