That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
