we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
