You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
