i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
