That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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