i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
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