I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
