Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
