Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
